To My Knees

I don’t think I fully understood the depths of God’s love until certain events in my life brought me to my knees.

When hard things happen, my initial reaction is to fix the problem myself. I try to take control of the entire situation and find a way to make my own pain go away, no matter what it may cost. But there are certain things in life that are out of our control. And the tighter we cling to our need to have total control, the more it hurts when we lose things we love.

I have learned so much about God in the last two months. More than I think I ever would have if He had not brought me through one of the most painful seasons of my life. And even though I loved God when my life was “perfect” (perfect meaning everything was going my way), I now see that my love for Him has grown stronger than I ever imagined it could.

And it is because I was brought to my knees. And when everything I had loved was gone, and when everything I had known had changed quicker than I could even comprehend, God stayed the same.

People change. Circumstances change. He never does.

He was with me when life was going exactly the way I wanted it to, and He is with me now as I wander into the unknown. And there is something so beautiful and sweet about falling to your knees before Him and surrendering every plan you had for your life—every plan that fell through your fingertips. I watched my heart shift when I gave it all to Him. I watched my life change. I welcomed sorrow and grief as dear friends—friends who pulled me near my Father’s heart.

In the same way that you draw near to your friends and your family when they are going through trials in life, God draws near to you. He is so entangled in our grief. He is so wrapped up in every moment. And it took some of the things I loved most being taken away from me for me to fully understand that. And if I could go back, I would change nothing about the trials that have entered my life.

To the person who is going through the rainy season that you are sure will never end, remember this: you are not meant to carry the burden alone. You are not meant to figure it out by yourself. You are not meant to fix it in your own strength. Your Father wants you to cast those burdens onto Him. He wants you to let Him write the story. He wants you to let Him figure it out.

The burden, the grief, and the heartache became too much for me to carry. And I fell to my knees under the weight. But I have learned that sometimes this weight must be endured for a little while before we learn the peace that comes from falling to our knees at Jesus’ feet. The peace that comes from giving it to Him.

Where God closed one door in my life, I have watched Him open dozens more. And I am grateful.

The sorrow is sweet. The grief is sweet. The pain is crucial. It is sometimes the very thing that brings us to the other side—the place where we can step into exactly who God has created us to be.

Here’s to surrendering our control. Here’s to watching Him move when we give Him everything. Here’s to the way He writes the story.

I am falling to my knees, and I think I will stay here for a little while. Because it is here where His love is truly understood. It is here where He is revealing to me the sweetness of humbling myself. And it is here where He is doing a new thing. All because I fell to my knees.

Verses:

“For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you.'” – Isaiah 41:13, ESV

“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” – Matthew 6:27, ESV

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” – Psalm 55:22, NIV

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